Friday, March 24, 2017

Roper 7 - The Garden

Ahh, happiness is summer, a garden and being unemployed!

I was floating in the grotesque large, inflatable pool we bought together as compensation for a precarious monetary situation preventing us from having a proper vacation. High Impact UV bathing in the generous Danish summer sun, watching the con trails of passing planes above me.

Wondering who sat there, where they were going and how much I wished I was in one of those magical flying tubes

The water was warm , and since my ears were submerged,  gave Moby a certain sound as he was squatting in our little boom box. Telling us that he died all the time in his dreams.


Oh god!



For fucks sake!

I lifted my head reluctantly, carful not to destroy the fragile balance that could destroy "the perfect float". A perfect balance of my bodies buoyancy and the weight of my drink on my belly. Something as hard to achieve as "the perfect grove" in L.`s amazing Fat Boy bean bags, he bought when he found out that his ex owned all the furniture.

There he was, throwing his Lasso against the 2 m wooden pole he dug down there in that magic spot in the garden hidden from outside observers. And also the only spot he took his shirt off. EVER.

This has been going on since May now and I started to react bitchy to the sound of that rope hitting the pole.

I guess a lot of people react differently during or after a traumatic break up. L. just found a book about western riding in our towns great library and started to throw rope against inanimate objects.

What then tipped him over for good was the loss of his job.

Jeeez. You don't see me crying because I am not allowed to prostitute myself the system

As irritating his coping mechanism was, I must admit that I kind of envied the results a bit: He seemed to have been losing a lot of weight in the 6 weeks this has been going on. Even though he needed to do something about that I-just-discovered-internet-porn right arm of his: Since he threw with his right arm it has gotten pretty defined compared to the left one.

"You ok there?"

As he looked up I could see that he was in that trance like state that monotonous throwing put him in.

Damn, I hope no bitch will ever do this to me.....and if it happens to me, than please because Kylie Minoque broke up with me. And not some plump gal with bad skin, who lived on L.s half of  our (rented) house, until she decided to have sucked him dry enough and then fuck off.

The weird, empty look disappeared (later as I read "The Gunslinger" by King I would finally have a name for that look..) and he came over, looking around if not any of the neighbour girls would see him.

Rolling over the edge of the pool he dived for a second and surfaced again. This pool was really a giant fucker! 5000 L !

"Landlord was here earlier and asked about the pool, he checked the water counter.."

"Oh shit, what you say?"

" I told him we used the gutters from the roof to collect the water."

I starred at him, sometimes L. could surprise me with an involuntary form of genius I highly appreciated when it surfaced.

In fact we have taken the water from two neighbouring houses in a night-and-fog operation using some cheap, interconnected hoses bought in the same supermarket we bought the pool in.

But what the Landlord does not know will not hurt him.

"My man! Any luck job hunting?"

L. suffered from the delusion that showing up at the unemployment office actually achieved something.

He sighed and leaned back.

"No, and man..I worry!"

That's no news.

"I don't get it: You have 3,5 years left of your unemployment insurance scheme....enjoy it man!!"

"Yeah, after the rent for that fucker" he pointed at the house "I have more than enough for social life and cool stuff!"

"Well" I said " I have not been lazy and worked hard, HARD I say on my hobophobia!"


I reached behind me and pulled out a freezer bag full of weed.

"You haven't ..."

"Yes, yes I did! While you have been at the office hunting for an opportunity to degrade yourself for mammon I took some of our assets and exchanged it for necessities! Not a mean feat I dare say since the derelict I bought if from, down at the harbour transported these nice, juicy buds in his undergarments! But I guess the heat will take care of the hepatitis!"

" much money do we have for the re..."

"Don't ask..if shit hits the fan we can always go and eat at the homeless shelter"

"Oh god" L said and let himself submerge in the water.

I took one doobie already rolled, lit and waited until he surfaced.




"Hey E.?"


"We are not losers right?"

"Pffff, fuck you! Im in the post labelling phase of my life!"


"Hey L? Lets play THE BIG BLUE!"

"Shit yes!"

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