Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Survival Bandana Content - Body Signals

 I don`t want to cause a panic: But there might be a time when your telephone aka "highly-advanced-pocket-computer-with-which-you-can-access-all-accumulated-knowledge-in-human-history-but-use-to-watch-cat-videos-and-bicker-about-who`s-misinformaton-is-the-BEST-misinformation" might not work as intended.

In fact: There might be a time where your iPhones greatest qualities might be the highly polished backside, so it can be used as shaving/signal mirror. Yes, I am talking about the total failure of all communication networks!

So you should know at least the most basic forms of communication: From one-way communication to morse. (Stick with me and I`ll show you a method with which you can learn the entire morse alphabet + 10 to 20 handy letter codes from the "International Signal Handbook" 

(In my time in the Navy I served as Signal Gast for the "special dudes" so I had to learn the signal handbook by heart....and yes, those "special dudes" also wore helmets. But I am afraid that THEIR crayons were very, very sharp and could only paint in red. Scary characters, fun times.)

Let`s start with the most basic of signals: Body signals with which you can establish a one-way communication with airplanes. I will also show you how airplanes might respond to these signals...LATER!

Oh, and try practice these signals in rapid succession while listening to any hard pumping music of your choosing....FEEL THE BURN!

Friday, November 24, 2017

Roper 27 - Also Caucasian Mafia Brats Dream Of Electric Buddies part 2

"Fuck L.! Did you HAD to set fire to them?!" M. said rubbing her shoulder.

We stood outside over the corpses of the 4 men from the truck stop, it has only been two days since our last run in with those guys...but it seemed like month.

L. stood and swayed before he doubled over and plastered his dinner all over the patio.

"THAT was LOUD!" it/she boomed over the houses speakers "Aaaaaaand no I am receiving calls from the security company. Hold on."

A few seconds went by, the only sounds I could hear over a monumental ringing was the crackling bonfire in one of the guys chest cavity, caused by M.`s monster rifle.

"Convinced security that everything is ok, the neighbors however are a different matter. They called the local fuzz about what they think are poachers. I suggest you clean up, before the local copper arrives. ETA 57 minutes. There is a root cellar 30m South of you. Thank god for wealthy hipsters huh? You can drag the corpses there ...after you PUT OUT THE FIRES!"

Ca 20 minutes earlier

Like with many guys who grew too much too fast,  L. was clumsy and very much self aware about that. You can easily spot them, they move as if they are in a claustrophobic room full of tiny porcelain figures. Funny thing is that the same clumsy guys can have weird "episodes" where they can flip a coin into a beer glass from a 10 m distance. Those prodigal fits of extreme coordination/social skills  mostly come  when they are distracted or feeling unobserved.

I knew L. had one of his episodes when we sat down at the large oak tree table, facing the large glass doors to the patio.

M. enjoyed her role as robber princess and had her sawn off Nagant on the table, pointing at us, as we ate the decadent pre-prepared meal.

L.`s eyes lost focus as he cocked his head to one side, looking very much like a dog trying to listen very hard, and dreamingly reached out for the rifle as he unfolded his large frame and tipped over the heavy table as if it was an ironing board.

M. screamed and kicked L. several time in the gut as she tried to reclaim her gun but was brushed aside by a hand the size of a toilet seat. I could only sit with  Scandinavian design cutlery in my hand and stare as my tuna mousse/kobe steak symphony went ballistic.

He stood ramrod straight and still for a second, suddenly lifted the heavy gun with a straight arm and blew the glass door out in the garden as a giant, hastily expanding ball of fire emerged from his hand.

I could not hear the screams of terror or the sporadic return fire as my ears were pretty much leveled with the perverse gun and sweet lady tinnitus sang to me as three more fireballs bathed the garden in orange, apocalyptic light...


M. poured the decanter with water from the  Antarctic shelf into the smoldering chest cavity of the last thug as we took him by arms and legs to throw him to his buddies in the root cellar.

She was visibly shaken and had reclaimed the rifle. She now carried it in a make shift carrier rig that went from under her left arm pit, behind her neck and ended in the rifle dangling on her right side. Pretty nifty, have to remember that, I thought.

She wasn`t too shaken to ransack the corpses and sat surrounded by expensive looking wallets and even more guns and counted money.

"Jeez, I thought we looted those guys GOOD. But less than one day later they come fully restocked, feeling kinda like having slaughtered the golden goose here."

L. looked like he was about to puke again at the mention of "slaughter" as Hacker Girls (at this point of time we ...L. and I...were convinced that she was some kind of high profile hacker) voice came to live over the houses numerous speakers: "Shut up for a second and start to look entitled, 3 coppers coming up the driveway. Loose those guns and start to do some luxury-hipster shit!"

The sun rose over a beautiful meadow and the houses windows looked like as if they were filled with pink fire as they reflected the dawning morning. Looking at this marvel  I started to wonder if I would make a good prison wife.

Friday, November 17, 2017

Viva Maria! (1965)

Viva Maria! is an anti-establishment comedy set in the early 20th centuries San Miguel, a fictive Latin American country

Maria 2, the fugitive daughter of a recently killed Irish anarchist, seeks refuge in a traveling circus and gets it by Maria 1, a singer/dancer.

They agree to gang up and start to perform together, due to their accidental invention of the striptease (and social involvement) they become immensely popular with the impoverished locals, who pay the admittance to the two Maria`s show with poultry...or whatever they have.

Their popularity make them figureheads for the socialist revolutionaries and soon they are actively involved in the struggle to topple "El Dictator": Organizing the peasants, establishing a quasi-socialist state, disregarding the constabulary and dancing/singing. 


Even though this movie is one of my favorites ("favorite movie" defines by me buying the DVD) I must admit that, although fun, the plot is a thin cup of tea.

It is saved by the acting of Brigitte Bardot and Jeanne Moreau, not to mention the breathtaking photography of Henri Decaë.

One of those movies you love to watch after NYE.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Kelly Kettle Hack No. 3 - Vinegar & Baking Soda

I love my Kelly Kettle and try to raise the bar for what is possible with it, by inventing/improvising new recipes. Check out my bread made on a Kelly Kettle: Kelly Kettle Hack No. 2 - Baking Bread

So yeah, cooking with it is fun...and if I find a way to cook our Christmas dinner on it...I`ll probably do it!

What`s not so fun is the CLEANING afterwards. I know there are purists who claim that the layer of soot on the inner side of a Kelly makes it "real"...or that the patina makes it bulletproof. But I like my gear to be clean & ready to use at any time so cleaning is a MUST.

I pretty much tried everything from normal dishwashing soap to fireplace cleaners: All worked, but only after you invested a lot of elbow grease (did I mention my superpower? Lazyness?) and a large amount of "hard" chemicals used.

Then my better half told me to use baking soda and vinegar. And man...that stuff WORKS!


Tea time at the frozen Paprocany Lake.Beautiful scenery.

But the scenery comes at a price: You are looking at it....

I close the kettles openings with a rubber band and foil.

Turn it upside down and add vinegar.

Add baking soda....

...and watch the volcano errupt.

That`s the stuff! Now let it "work" for a while.

It took me only one (!) swipe with a sponge to get a clean spot like this.

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Kelly Kettle Hack No.2 - Baking

Is there something better than warm, fresh bread in the morning? I like to bake bread on a stick over a campfire or in a metal container in the embers of a fire like I did in my post The Survival Bread

But always missed a nice,hot bun on hiking trips together with a cup of hot coffee made with my Kelly Kettle and....hey....the Kelly Kettle generates a very hot flow of hot air from the bottom of the top!

 If I would keep the flames/heat down a little bit, so I would not burn the dough,  one should be able to bake in a heat conducting container on top.


So I did it! I baked a loaf of fresh bread in the morning and my wife was duly impressed :-)

Oh baby...

My pre-prepared dough in a pot resting on a Kelly Kettle pot support.

The dough is not in direct contact with the pot but is packed in a layer of baking paper.

It works!

At this point my wife stuck her head out of the tent: Buns??
I am careful not to add to much fuel to the Kelly Kettle in order to keep the bread from burning.
It will take a LONG time for the water in the kettle to boil...but it is worth the waiting time!

Not to burned on the bottom, the baking paper comes of easily.

Ta-daaaaaa! :-)

To the baking paper: I cut a circle for the bottom and a longer stripe for the sides.

Just add dough :-)

Interested in more Kelly Kettle hacks? Check out my post Kelly Kettle Hack No.1 - Penne On A String

Friday, November 3, 2017

The Pot Chain Garden

This summer I experimented with ways to grow food in very small places like window sills and balconies.

Naturally you would grow your food in (improvised) pots and buckets like I did with my Upside Down Tomatoes

That method was a great success and something I will do again next year in a larger scale.

I also found a way to tie several pots together in a chain, this would make it possible to distribute a lot of food on a very small just hanging your pot chain over the side of the balcony for instance.

Best plants for this method are:

- climbing beans (in the lowest pot, so the beans can climb up on the rope)

- beets or zucchini (in the middle section)

- herbs/spices

I connected the pots with a simple The Barrel Hitch which gave the whole thing a semi elegant look!

I had two pot chains this summer: One for beans and one for spices

You can see the line of Barrel Hitch knots on this picture.

I used Reef Knots (or "Square Knots") to separate the buckets/pots.

Looks neat!

And soon the bean vines climbed and tried to take over the world!

The rough surface of the rope gave excellent purchase for the vines.


"Lars, which kind of mutant bean did you use for this? "
"Oh, just my favorite bean, you probably never heard about it: The Borlotti Bean!"