Friday, November 24, 2017

Roper 27 - Also Caucasian Mafia Brats Dream Of Electric Buddies part 2

"Fuck L.! Did you HAD to set fire to them?!" M. said rubbing her shoulder.

We stood outside over the corpses of the 4 men from the truck stop, it has only been two days since our last run in with those guys...but it seemed like month.

L. stood and swayed before he doubled over and plastered his dinner all over the patio.

"THAT was LOUD!" it/she boomed over the houses speakers "Aaaaaaand no I am receiving calls from the security company. Hold on."

A few seconds went by, the only sounds I could hear over a monumental ringing was the crackling bonfire in one of the guys chest cavity, caused by M.`s monster rifle.

"Convinced security that everything is ok, the neighbors however are a different matter. They called the local fuzz about what they think are poachers. I suggest you clean up, before the local copper arrives. ETA 57 minutes. There is a root cellar 30m South of you. Thank god for wealthy hipsters huh? You can drag the corpses there ...after you PUT OUT THE FIRES!"

Ca 20 minutes earlier

Like with many guys who grew too much too fast,  L. was clumsy and very much self aware about that. You can easily spot them, they move as if they are in a claustrophobic room full of tiny porcelain figures. Funny thing is that the same clumsy guys can have weird "episodes" where they can flip a coin into a beer glass from a 10 m distance. Those prodigal fits of extreme coordination/social skills  mostly come  when they are distracted or feeling unobserved.

I knew L. had one of his episodes when we sat down at the large oak tree table, facing the large glass doors to the patio.

M. enjoyed her role as robber princess and had her sawn off Nagant on the table, pointing at us, as we ate the decadent pre-prepared meal.

L.`s eyes lost focus as he cocked his head to one side, looking very much like a dog trying to listen very hard, and dreamingly reached out for the rifle as he unfolded his large frame and tipped over the heavy table as if it was an ironing board.

M. screamed and kicked L. several time in the gut as she tried to reclaim her gun but was brushed aside by a hand the size of a toilet seat. I could only sit with  Scandinavian design cutlery in my hand and stare as my tuna mousse/kobe steak symphony went ballistic.

He stood ramrod straight and still for a second, suddenly lifted the heavy gun with a straight arm and blew the glass door out in the garden as a giant, hastily expanding ball of fire emerged from his hand.

I could not hear the screams of terror or the sporadic return fire as my ears were pretty much leveled with the perverse gun and sweet lady tinnitus sang to me as three more fireballs bathed the garden in orange, apocalyptic light...


M. poured the decanter with water from the  Antarctic shelf into the smoldering chest cavity of the last thug as we took him by arms and legs to throw him to his buddies in the root cellar.

She was visibly shaken and had reclaimed the rifle. She now carried it in a make shift carrier rig that went from under her left arm pit, behind her neck and ended in the rifle dangling on her right side. Pretty nifty, have to remember that, I thought.

She wasn`t too shaken to ransack the corpses and sat surrounded by expensive looking wallets and even more guns and counted money.

"Jeez, I thought we looted those guys GOOD. But less than one day later they come fully restocked, feeling kinda like having slaughtered the golden goose here."

L. looked like he was about to puke again at the mention of "slaughter" as Hacker Girls (at this point of time we ...L. and I...were convinced that she was some kind of high profile hacker) voice came to live over the houses numerous speakers: "Shut up for a second and start to look entitled, 3 coppers coming up the driveway. Loose those guns and start to do some luxury-hipster shit!"

The sun rose over a beautiful meadow and the houses windows looked like as if they were filled with pink fire as they reflected the dawning morning. Looking at this marvel  I started to wonder if I would make a good prison wife.

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